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Snow Fort Instruction Manual

Perfect Parenting

Snow angels? Lame. Snowmen? Please. Get your shovels ready. This is the biggest blizzard in 30 years. It’s time to build an awesome snow fort! Last year sucked for snow, but judging by the current forecast we will have plenty of white stuff soon and the kids are going to love it.

So here’s what you do. Get your snow pants on and wear the good ski coat, the goggles too in case it’s windy. Who care what your neighbors think. First grab a shovel and clear the driveway. Pile all the snow in one spot, right there in the front yard. Next, while you’re clearing that nasty gray stuff at the end of the drive, have your kids walk all over the huge pile of snow you just made in the front yard. That’ll pack it down. Then prepare to dig.

I use a full size spade and poke it into the snow pile, gradually clearing out the snow until a hollow cavity develops. Keep clearing it and clearing until you see light from the other side. Now run over there and dig from that side. Then clear it some more. Stick your kid in there and have them clear the snow. Hold them by the ankles and drag them out with a whole load of powder in their arms! They’ll love it.

Then it’s the parent’s turn to get inside. This will feel extremely claustrophobic at first. You might get your shoulders wedged in a tight spot and feel like you can’t move. Your life may flash before your eyes. But just relax, take a deep breath and wiggle around a bit. Hopefully it won’t cave in. You’ll be fine. If not call 911. You never read this.

After your big butt has fit through the fort, the kids will have so much room to roam around they’ll want to stay in there forever. The kids will love you so much for helping build it. Take pictures! This is a great family moment. Best parenting ever. Snow fort perfection. And if the kids misbehave later on, grab the shovel and threaten to destroy it.

Don’t forget the hot cocoa afterwards. Splash some booze into yours if you want. You earned it. Winter is awesome.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Shari Sarles February 09, 2013 at 04:05 AM
missed these columns about the author and his daughter
Concerned February 09, 2013 at 11:39 PM
I know it is a lot of fun, and a great time to have with the kids, but there have been incidents in the past where these "forts" have been known to "cave in", and have been strongly discouraged for that reason. After reading this I felt compelled to write this. I realize calling 911 is an option should the worst happen, but I would not take the chance. It is dangerous, and quite frankly not worth the risk.
Christine February 10, 2013 at 12:20 AM
"Snow Angels"...lame? Snowmen..."Please"? Are you serious? These are activities that have been around forever. It has always been heartwarming to watch parents building snowmen and making snow angels with their children. You would never have to worry about calling 911 engaging in those activities. They're perfectly safe, fun, and a great family time in the snow. Not only is it dangerous to build forts for your own children, it is also dangerous for other children, who, when you are not around to supervise, are at risk of a "cave-in". I'll take making snow angels and building snowmen with children in the snow any day. It's safe, healthy, and no risk involved, and has been a family activity always in the wintertime when there is snow on the ground, and I am sure will be popular forever!
Ryan P. Standley February 10, 2013 at 03:20 AM
No, Christine, I’m not serious at all. Of course building a snowman is fun. So is having a sense of humor.

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