How Sick Is Your Kid?

Kids run the show, no doubt about it. But when they’re sick? Man, forget it. You are officially nursemaid until they miraculously heal.

My son Joey is 15 months old and he has been sick as a dog for the last couple days. He’s actually asleep on me right now. His hot breath smells of berry ibuprofen and when he coughs I feel a warm mist on my neck. He’s heavy, hot and sweaty. Every so often he squirms, squeals and kicks me in the groin. I’ve tried to put him in the crib. He lays in there for about 3 minutes and then stands up and screams. So I hold him, patiently confined to my La-Z-Boy.

The sick began when some light green muck showed up in his left eye. He’s such a gross little mongrel that I thought he had wiped a booger up there. But the eye phlegm persisted and worsened, so I took him to the doctor.

“Looks good to me,” the doctor smiled after a thorough look-over.

Just what I didn’t want to hear. After dragging the kid into the pediatricians’ office at 8 a.m., I deserved a definitive, easy diagnosis, right? Nope. The doctor doubted it was conjunctivitis, or pink eye, and recommended 30-second heat compresses every half hour.

Ever try sticking a hot, wet paper towel in a toddler’s eye and holding it there? Joey was screaming and thrashing around like a murder victim. Then that night, he woke up in agony. Joey’s eyes were just slightly boogered-up but his body was hot as coals, with a 103 fever.

Poor guy. According to the pediatrician, he got the fever that’s going around, and the mucky eyes were a precursor. So I’m not worried. Just trying to get him to eat something, pushing the fluids and encouraging the rest.

He can sleep on me if it makes him feel better. Maybe I’ll nap too. Or fiddle around on the internet. Just as long as I don’t have to pee.